Jan 31, 2016

Don't Be Dumber Than A Grapefruit


Our MPHS Forum provides a great opportunity for our mid 60 classes to discuss the issues of the day.  Click the link below to join us:

We are all bright well educated people who enjoy intelligent political discussions.  We occasionally get angry about the unwillingness of other people to see things correctly, which of course is how we see things.

We sometime get into long winded never ending exchanges. It is hopeless to change the mind of the other person, they know what they know, and the discussion sometimes turns into a rancorous argument.

To argue with someone who knows what they know and whose mind cannot be changed reflects badly on us - Only a fool would argue with a grapefruit. If you argue with someone dumber than a grapefruit, well, then you are also dumber than a grapefruit. 


(The Committee on High of Morgan Park High School Faculty Alumni to Monitor and Enforce Good and Proper Behavior of Morgan Park High School Alumni)


Committee on High (COH)


The Pushup Police
has carefully reviewed our recent exchanges.  In general they do not permit or condone insults on the forum.  However, after further analysis, they have authorized anyone on the forum to call a halt when the argument devolves into a grapefruit discussion.  Any of the participants can call "Grapefruit."Just work the term grapefruit into the conversation
This should make us collectively laugh and see the futility of the conflict. Smooths things over and we avoid having a tedious and disruptive hassle. 

Anyone who calls Grapefruit understands that the name caller is also admitting to being dumber than a Grapefruit. If we did not have this rule we might get a lot of Grapefruit calling which would stifle erudite political repartee. 

A grapefruit does not have to be stupid. In fact, there are a number of very smart folks who are so angry and obsessed about someone or something they don't like that they become grapefruits, albeit smart ones. They know what they know, they cannot accept anyone who has a different opinion, and often become hostile and abusive. This often manifests itself in hatred of political figures, for example hatred of Presidents Reagan, Bush, Clinton, Bush, and Obama.

It is not a particular vice of either liberals or conservatives. Grapefruititis can strike anyone of any age and any political persuasion. It perhaps gets worse with age, with hardening of the arteries.

It is easy to see others who are grapefruits. It is hard to see ourselves.

Now everyone should want to avoid being a grapefruit. And it is hard to see if you are becoming a grapefruit. Like alcoholism, many people gradually slip into grapefruititis without realizing.

Some danger signs that you might becoming a grapefruit:
  • You are sure you know all the answers.
  • You have taken to calling other people stupid or liars.
  • You are often outraged when you read things you don't agree with.
  • You constantly demean elected officials, not with well reasoned arguments, but with name calling.
  • You insult people frequently.
  • You attack the man, and not the argument. 
  • You throw out strong opinions without facts.

Best antidote to becoming a Grapefruit:

  • Be tolerant of the view point of others. 
  • Think before you write or speak. 
  • Practice the golden rule. 
  • Use logic, not rants. 
  • Eat and drink sensibly, avoid drugs. 
  • Get enough sleep. 
  • Love often.
  • Don't eat grapefruit.

Committee on High- Grapefruit Punishment

Crime and Punishment by the MPHS Committee on High (COH) for MPHS 60 Somethings


The Committee on High of Morgan Park High School Faculty Alumni to Monitor and Enforce Good and Proper Behavior of Morgan Park High School Alumni
Committee on High (COH)


The Pushup Police

We began reconnecting electronically on the EMPEHI Yahoo list in 2002. Old friendships were renewed. All was well in our virtual reality world. You can click below if you would like to join us.

But then we began to get into political food fights. So a second list was created to permit intelligent political discussions while the original list was reserved for pleasant memories and discussions.

Pleasant Discussions

Pleasant Political Discussions

All Was Right with the MPHS Virtual Reality World

It was Truly Meet, Right and Salutary

But all good things must end. Sometimes people would become very angry and dismissive of others viewpoints. Kind of like Archie Bunker without the charm. Conservatives dissing Liberals and vice versa. Kind of like a discussion between Rush Limbaugh and Ed Schultz but without their warmth and charisma.

Some people left the list in disgust. And the food fights spread from the MPHSForum over to the EMPEHIReunion. Something had to be done.

From out of the east a stranger came to tame a troubled land.  
Fortunately even in retirement our MPHS Faculty continues to watch over us in a paternal / maternal way.  They maintain our permanent records and check to make sure that we continue to behave as the proper young ladies and gentlemen they trained so many years ago.  They began to monitor our communications using the NSA and intervened when necessary.  They formed the:


The Committee on High of Morgan Park High School Faculty Alumni to Monitor and Enforce Good and Proper Behavior of Morgan Park High School Alumni

aka    Committee on High (COH)

The following explains how our MPHS / EMPEHI Crime and Punishment System works. Some of you probably think I just make up these punishments. This is not accurate.

What actually happens is that the COHOMPHSFATMAEGAPBOFMHSA
(Committee on High of Morgan Park High School Faculty Alumni to Monitor and Enforce Good and Proper Behavior of Morgan Park High School Alumni Faculty), aka the Committee on High (COH) for short read our communications carefully and monitor all MPHS Alumni’s words and actions. When they see incorrect behavior, they correct it, just like back in High School. If the miscreant does not humbly and quickly perform the punishment then more punishment is heaped on the guilty transgressor.

I am not privy to the exact membership of the Committee on High. They don’t tell us everything. They treat as they did in high school -  like mushrooms - keep us in the dark and shovel s... on us and then sit back and watch us grow and develop.

The membership sometimes varies when some of them are on teacher conventions or vacation or meetings or unavailable or playing Canasta. The Committee usually includes Mr. Attonides, Coach Stepanek, Coach Warden, Miss Camutz, Miss Walters, Mrs. Duffy, Mr. Zaheedi Tayler, Mrs. Vial, and the home rule teacher of the accused guilty hooligan / violator.

They also sometimes bring in outside members for specific cases. This includes anyone who has ever had it in for the accused.

The Committee on High does not get hung up on procedure or trials, they just dish out punishment as they see fit. Just like High School.

They communicate to me via mental telepathy at night.  I relay the messages on to the appropriate list where the transgression occurred. The only way I can avoid them is to wear an aluminum foil helmet with Viking Horns adorned by a Native American feather, grounded to a 1930 Chevy.

This is not comfortable and which as you can imagine annoys the hell out of my spouse. And it is hard to get a good night sleep wearing the helmets.

So don't blame me the messenger for the punishments dished out. I am just reporting it as they beam it down to me. I did not volunteer for this assignment, I was drafted. I tried to go to Canada but their thoughts and directives followed me. And I can’t wear my Viking Helmet all the time - 57 Chevies are hard to find and people would talk.

All your thoughts, words, and actions are part of your permanent record. The Committee on High knows who has been naughty and nice. So lets be careful out there.

Punishments normally include pushups, jumping jacks, and
running laps, Minor, and Major Disciplines.  Given our advanced age and infirmity the COH usually makes the punishment virtual reality. On occasion some alumni are obdurate and refuse to perform their punishment. On these rare occasions the COH takes more serious actions and haunts and harasses the evil doer in their dreams until the great Satan finally goes straight.

And now the COH has developed a new method for humbling transgressors. As described in the post above, when someone gets into a cycle of invective, it can be stopped by calling or writing "Grapefruit". This immediately conveys to all parties that they are all dumber than a Grapefruit for getting into said cycle of invective. And an outsider can call "Grapefruit", but by doing so they are also agreeing that they are a grapefruit.

You can fact check the above on Snopes.com

Speaking of punishment, the Committee on High advises
me that any MPHSer who is or has become a Cubs Fan is guilty of extreme disloyalty todasoutsideaChicaga and also very poor judgement, and sentenced to sit in a corner for 13 nights and hum this mantra 13 times:

Why, of Why, do I root for the Cubs
When all they ever to is flubs

Self flagellation during the humming of the Mantra is encouraged but not required.

The Committee suggests that you also get professional help.

Wait, Wait, I made a mistake.

The Committee on High has further advised me that the dissing the Cubs, while accurate, is a divisive issue that is best only discussed on the Forum. And they object to the divisive extremely poorly written doggerel.

I did not write the above - I only transcribed what was imparted to me from the COH. But they don’t care, they are punishing me. Sometimes life is not fair.

As punishment I am forbidden Lutefisk for 40 days and 40 nights and 20 pushups (virtual reality).

This is a dirty job, but someone has to do it.

Ad Hominem Attacks

Marked by or being an attack on an opponent's character rather than by an answer to the contentions made

Appealing to feelings or prejudices rather than intellect

Attacking the man and not his argument is an old and nasty habit which some of us have. Ad attacks Hominem and vice versa.

When someone takes a position or posts a link the responsible way to address it is to logically and non emotionally discuss the position and refute it with your opinion backed up with links that support your line of reasoning.

The irresponsible snarky way is to attack the person.

Ten pushups for all of us who have done that. And let he who has cast the first stone take it first. For shame on me for attacking Swedes, Danes, and denisons of LaLa Land (aka California). Twenty pushups for me and no more ad hominem attacks on Swedes, Danes, and LaLalanders for the next ten days, or, if I just can't help it cause it feels so good, twenty more pushups.

Craig Hullinger - proud Norski (½ Norwegian, ½ everything else)

Will wrote:  "I should be grateful that El Jeffe Hullinger has not meted out push ups to me."

My apologies to Taffy.  I missed Will's comments. Even though Will apologized nicely, he still erred.

To err is human, to forgive divine, neither of which is the policy of the MPHS Committee on High.

The Committee on High Will assigns him 20 pushups.  Real ones.

If I may interject... My recollections of Ms. Camutz were from a study hall in the Cafeteria..

She handed out Minor Disciplines and Majors like 2 or 3 every every study hall.. She gave me a few Minors and I never had her for any classes..  Didn't matter much because I was thrown out of Morgan Park 9 times.. Requiring my Father to meet with Anton.. I was even thrown out of Summer School..

That was exciting… and hell of a lot easier than trips to the Police Station in Gresham..

As far as monitoring this Forum and providing Non Judicial Punishment..  Who cares, this is a Forum and hopefully an exchange of ideas..  I've never seen anything that resembled name calling..  Wordsmithing and snarky comments yes, but nothing harsh and in your face.

As Charlie Kitchen liked to say.. "The Delete Key is always an option"



* Don refused to do his pushups as assigned by the COH. A dangerous mutiny which cannot be tolerated. So the COH tortured him in his sleep.

Don, you can deny to members of the forum that you were not lasered and water boarded by the Committee on High. There will be some naive folks who will believe you. And I can see why you want to cover up this terrible embarrassment. And you do have plausible deniability.

Go ahead, be a Committee on High denier. You can fool some of the people all of the time and all of the people some of the time.

But most of us know the truth, don’t we?

Miss Camutz had advised me that you have been punished enough for now, and no further action will be taken. If you commit no more transgressions for the next 60 days they will give you your Danish Viking MPHS horns back.

Pushup Police

I was hoping Miss Camutz would miss your post, but she misses very little. You are in big trouble with the Committee on High to Ensure Proper Decorum and  Manners among MPHS Alumni from the Mid 60's.

Miss Camutz told me to tell you to do:

"Ten pushups and write on the Blackboard ten times:"

"I will not send such missives on the this list. If I have something political to say I will write to the forum."

Go, and sin no more.

Remember, I did not come up with this punishment - it came from the Committee on High. So don't be blaming the messenger.

CH - This difficult issue better discussed on the Forum, which is probably where you meant to send it.

2 Virtual reality pushups for making a mistake.



Loved the replies from Will and Taffy! They so illustrate the libertarian vs progressive mindsets.



Hey, ease up there Sarge. I haven't quite finished the push-ups you dolled out last years.

Will, the true blue conservative, argues that the cumulative penalties are too high and points out he is still "paying off" the last penalty assessed. Sort of like when taxes are onerous?


Since I am heading into the frigid Midwest tomorrow on a non pleasure trip that has already been delayed twice by hideous weather, I will use that as a substitute for the assigned punishment.

Taffy, our progressive, plays the victimhood card and implies that enduring other injustices should set her free.

As for me, I'm going rogue and just ignoring the penalty!

Nice try though.


Don, Taffy, and Will have refused to take their punishment like a man.

Now, they are in deep, deep, do do.

As you can imagine, Mrs. Duffy and Miss Camutz were terribly upset. They considered the actions of DTW to be mutiny and a revolution similar to what is going on in Egypt.

Miss Camutz will be very severe.

They have taken the issue to the Committee on High.

You could have been off the hook with .5 aka ½ of a
pushup. This is pushup appropriate for elderly miscreants. You just do the downstroke the next time you fall against the wall and you would have successfully performed your punishment.

Instead, you revolted. The COH finds this revolting.

You can soon expect a nocturnal dream visit from Mr. Attonides, Coach Warden, Mr. Zaheedi Tayler, Mrs. Vial, President for Life Hosni Mubarak, and the Egyptian secret police. I don't want to depress you so I won't tell you what they will do to you in your sleep, but believe me, .5 of a pushup would have been better.



Not only are you talking to spirits of the departed, but you think Taffy should take her punishment like an elderly man. If you continue to lose touch with your people, we may need to call in the ROTC to take over the Committee on High until the next elections. Be careful; that kind of instability could spread next to Fenger, and ultimately throughout the soutside.

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