May 1, 2012

Committee on High (COH)

I have been advised by the:


Which is short for:

The Committee On High Of
The Principal's Advisory Council of Morgan Park High School Faculty Alumni to Monitor and Enforce Good and Proper Behavior of Morgan Park High School Alumni


Committee on High (COH)

That any 60 something alumni who fails to complete their brief bio on our Classmates Today page on our Web Site will face the COH in their dreams soon. You don't want that so go to the site ASAP and fill it out.

The following explains how our MPHS / EMPEHI Crime and Punishment System works. Some of you probably think I just make up these punishments. This is not accurate.

What actually happens is that the  

COHOTPACMPHSFATMAEGAPBOFMHSA  aka the Committee on High (COH) who read these pages and carefully monitor all MPHS Alumni’s words and actions. When they see incorrect behavior, they correct it, just like back in High School. If the miscreant does not humbly and quickly perform the punishment then more punishment is heaped on the guilty rascal.

I am not privy to the exact membership of the Committee on High. It sometimes varies when some of them are on teacher conventions or vacation or unavailable. The Committee always includes the home rule teacher of the accused guilty transgressor/violator.

They also sometimes bring in outside members for specific cases. This includes anyone who has ever had it in for the accused.

The Committee on High does not get hung up on procedure or trials, they just dish out punishment as they see fit. Just like High School

They communicate to me via mental telepathy at night. The only way I can avoid them is to wear a tin foil helmet with Viking Horns adorned by a Native American feather, grounded to a 57 Chevy, which as you can imagine annoys the hell out of my spouse.

So don't blame me the messenger for the punishments dished out. I am just reporting it as they send it to me. I did not volunteer for this assignment, I was drafted. I suppose it was my name - Morgan Park High - and the COH thought I was the appropriate conduit.

I tried to go to Canada to escape but their thoughts and directives followed me. And I can’t wear my Viking Helmet all the time - 57 Chevies are hard to find and people would talk.

All your thoughts, words, and actions are part of your permanent record. The Committee on High knows who has been naughty and nice. So lets be careful out there.

You can fact check the above on


Speaking of punishment, the Committee on High advises me that any MPHSer who is or has become a Cubs Fan is guilty of extreme disloyalty todasoutsideaChicaga and also very poor judgement, and sentenced to sit in a corner for 13 nights and hum this mantra 13 times:

Why, of Why, do I root for the Cubs
When all they ever to is flubs

Self flagellation during the humming of the Mantra is encouraged but not required.

The Committee suggests that you also get professional help.

Wait, Wait, I made a mistake.

The Committee on High has further advised me that the dissing the Cubs, while accurate, is a divisive issue that is best only discussed on the Forum. And they object to the divisive extremely poorly written doggerel.

I did not write the above - I only transcribed what was imparted to me from the COH. But they don’t care, they are punishing me.

As punishment I am forbidden Lutefisk for 40 days and 40 nights, and 20 pushups (virtual reality).

This is a dirty job, but someone has to do it.

Morgan Park High

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