Jun 14, 2022

The World is Getting Squirrely


I never thought orthopedic shoes would really work for me.
But I stand corrected.

Once upon a time there was a king who was only 12 inches tall.
He was a terrible king but he made a great ruler.

A Mexican magician said he will disappear on the count of 3.
He says: "Uno, dos..." Poof.
He disappeared without a tres.

I wrote a book on how to fall down the stairs.
It's a step by step guide.

My son was chewing on electric cords, so I had to ground him.
It's OK, though. He's doing better and conducting himself properly.

My friend claims that he "accidently" glued himself to his autobiography,
but I don't believe him.
But that's his story and he's sticking to it.

"Doctor, my child swallowed a roll of film. What should I do?"
"Let's wait and see if anything develops."

An armed man ran into a real estate agency and shouted:
"Nobody move."

Got drunk yesterday and threw up in the elevator on my way back home.
It was disgusting on so many levels.

Why did the Mexican take anti-anxiety medication?
For Hispanic attacks.

I asked the surgeon if I could administer my own anesthetic.
He said: "Sure. Knock yourself out!"

I got into a fight today with 1,3,5,7 and 9.
The odds were really against me.

In Britain it's called a lift but Americans call it an elevator.
I guess we were just raised differently

97% of people are stupid
Glad I'm in the other 5%

The Lord said to John, "Come forth and ye shall receive eternal life"
But John came fifth and got a toaster instead

I have 2 unwritten rules.

Thanks to MPHS Graduates Marie Buti and PJS for contributing.

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