I never thought orthopedic shoes would really work for me.
But I stand corrected.
Once upon a time there was a king who was only 12 inches tall.
He was a terrible king but he made a great ruler.
A Mexican magician said he will disappear on the count of 3.
He says: "Uno, dos..." Poof.
He disappeared without a tres.
I wrote a book on how to fall down the stairs.
It's a step by step guide.
My son was chewing on electric cords, so I had to ground him.
It's OK, though. He's doing better and conducting himself properly.
My friend claims that he "accidently" glued himself to his autobiography,
but I don't believe him.
But that's his story and he's sticking to it.
"Doctor, my child swallowed a roll of film. What should I do?"
"Let's wait and see if anything develops."
An armed man ran into a real estate agency and shouted:
Got drunk yesterday and threw up in the elevator on my way back home.
It was disgusting on so many levels.
Why did the Mexican take anti-anxiety medication?
For Hispanic attacks.
I asked the surgeon if I could administer my own anesthetic.
He said: "Sure. Knock yourself out!"
I got into a fight today with 1,3,5,7 and 9.
The odds were really against me.
In Britain it's called a lift but Americans call it an elevator.
I guess we were just raised differently
97% of people are stupid
Glad I'm in the other 5%
The Lord said to John, "Come forth and ye shall receive eternal life"
But John came fifth and got a toaster instead
I have 2 unwritten rules.
Thanks to MPHS Graduates Marie Buti and PJS for contributing.